Internal Boundaries

As we come to the end of the first month of the year, I have been sitting with my internal boundaries as of late. If you're not familiar with what I mean, let me give you an example...

I have often found myself over- committing to things. Whether it's work, or being there for others, I have often found myself saying yes to someone else when I really needed to be saying yes to myself. It can be any number of things- saying yes to jobs that didn't pay enough, or working conditions that weren't quite right for me. Or even saying yes to too many things so that I lost focus on what I needed to do for my own business, well-being or life. Saying yes to those things has been a no to myself.

Then, there were all the times that I said I would change. All those internal promises of being healthier, exercising more, doing yoga every single day. The ones where I was totally going to have more space and take care of myself. And usually, within two weeks, I would be right back at the same dysfunctional patterns as before.

It has always been from a lack of poor internal boundaries. I was taught as a young child that people don't keep promises to me. And so I had to learn how to make promises I could keep to myself. And to learn that I am worthy of keeping those promises.

I have learned that these promises, and my integrity to follow through on them, are the basis for my relationship to myself. The interesting place of exploration has been in the somatics of feeling my resistance to following through; the emotions from the broken promises. And playing with slowing down the moments of wanting to self sabotage. And re-parenting the part that resists what's good for me.

Here’s some short contemplations you can use to explore when things go wrong.

  1. Did you over promise and under deliver? Sometimes it can be easier to build integrity through small promises that are easy to follow through on, rather than big promises that require a heap of investment through time and effort. Notice if over promising is a trend for you.

  2. Notice the state or emotion that comes up when you don’t follow through. Do you make excuses? Is there a hint of despair or overwhelm underneath the promise? These are important indicators of what might be between you and how you keep your promise to yourself.

  3. Reflect on the way promises were like in your family of origin. When you were growing up, did your family keep promises to you?

We look forward to hearing from you about your experiences and what resonates with you.

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